Sunday, October 03, 2004


What a title! Did it catch your attention? I bet it did! If not, why did you reach this far? Honestly, it’s hard to start a topic especially when you don’t really have any idea in mind of what to write about. You feel that you need to express something. Something within is just raring to go out, it wants to escape, it wants to be heard, to be seen, to be read, TO BE SOMETHING! You know it, you can feel it, but you just can’t put a finger on it. Really now, is this really something worth writing? And afterwards, something worth reading? I really don’t know. It doesn’t really make sense, does it? Well, sometimes life doesn’t really make sense.

Second paragraph - still pounding on the keyboard without any definite topic in mind. Blame it on the neighbor who plays too loud a music. There’s a birthday party going on next door. It’s a children’s party. We could have been there, except that my children aren’t here. They are staying at my mother’s house because nobody will look after their needs here. My wife is with her mother; she’s staying there because she is sick. She has kidney problem, actually she has already undergone three dialysis sessions. She has to stay with her mother because nobody will take care of her here because I have to work. We can’t afford to hire household help. So I’m here in our house by my lonesome. Fighting loneliness with the help of my keyboard. It’s a difficult set-up, but when you realize that it’s all for the better, you may learn to accept it, though not necessarily agree with it. Anyway, I can visit them on my way home from work.

That is why I’m here, in front of my computer pounding on the keyboard without any specific topic to write. Maybe, I’m just trying to fight the bitterness. Heck! I don’t want to write about bitterness! It isn’t helping anybody! So, what is there really to write about? The party next door? There is nothing really going in there, loud music, children screaming, maybe some balloons, cakes and ice cream, clowns perhaps. But what do I care? I’m not in there. I surely would not attend a children’s party without any children in tow! Maybe the party is almost over, as I don’t hear the emcee talking anymore, just continuous playing of loud music. Maybe it’s chow time! I even hear some vehicles already leaving. Can’t blame them, it’s almost eight in the evening.

Okay, so much for the party. There is really nothing much interesting going on. There’s nothing good on TV, don’t have any new VCD to watch. Maybe I could play the guitar later, perhaps I could write another song. But then again, the song that I’ll write maybe as vague as this one I’m writing. The same may be true if I attempt to write a poem. Wow! What a predicament I’m in! Having an itch and not knowing how to scratch it! Meanwhile, the music next door gets louder as ideas in my mind get more scattered. I’ve reached this far, without any concrete subject to talk about. But, is it really possible to write an article or essay without any specific topic? I mean, how would the ideas flow? How would it start? How would it evolve? How can you elaborate it? And finally, how can you conclude it? AM I GETTING ANYWHERE?

Honestly, I already read some articles in newspapers and magazines wherein authors don’t have any specific topic. They just keep on blabbering away. Putting in highfalutin words, that not all readers really understand. Making them appear intellectual and powerful writers. But when you begin to analyze and dissect their article, you will see that they don’t really have any good thing to write about. They are just going in circles, making their topic appear long enough. It is just one smart way of beating the deadline.

Maybe, this one is just like that. Except that, this one makes no pretensions of being an excellent or an intellectual article. It doesn’t have to. There is no deadline to beat, no name or image to uphold, and no monetary compensation to consider. It’s just that the author wants to say something but just don’t exactly know what it is.

I long have been wanting to go back to writing. It’s been too long since I really poured my soul into text. Trying to paint a vision… an emotion… in black and white. Through the use of printed words. But without any specific topic to write, how should I start? But if I don’t start, how can I squeeze those literary juices? So I start, hoping that it would make those creative juices flowing. To write something… anything… just write – for the heck of it!

October 2,2004
8:08 PM

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