Come To Jesus... She did...

I know someday it will come to this... and perhaps it could be the best that could happen... for her to finally rest.

We've been prepared for it, in fact we used to discuss it casually. As if it's the most normal thing to happen.

But I guess no amount of preparation could spare us from the pain. When it happened, we thought it wouldn't hurt as much... but it did. Until now... the pain of losing her is still within.

I know this is for the best... the end of all her pains and sufferings. Because now, finally... she went home.

I will no longer hear you cry
for you will never be in pain
Yet I will always feel your smile
cause your love will always remain


We miss you Mama.

New house... new hope(?)

As I have written in my other blogs,we have moved in to a new house. We have left the house where my wife spent her last days with us. No, we didn't want to erase her memories. It's just that we really have to move out... no more money to pay for the rent.

Fortunately for us, my sister who now stays in Canada allowed us to use her house. She was actually having it rented, but because of what had happened to us she courteously asked the tenants to move out so we can have a house to stay in. Here now is where we stay, with the promise that once I am employed or already earning, I still have to pay for the rent.

That solves the dwelling place problem... but like I said, I'm still unemployed and still unproductive. Quickly becoming a bum, am I? I hope not. I really wish I am not. Because even while we have a place to stay in, we still have to provide for our daily needs.

My three kids goes to school, one is already in college. They have to eat daily... they have to spend daily. Prelims is already fast approaching... the second installment of their tuition fee will be due anytime now. Then there's the utilities... water, electric, communications. The old debts that were incurred in the past and are already past due.

I really don't know what to say... nor what am I driving at...

Heck! I've seen worst!

I never thought it still could hurt...

After taking my daughter Angel to school this morning, I went to my wife's tomb in the cemetery. I try visit her as often as I can, and since all the kids are in school, it's the best time to visit her again. After all, it was almost a week since my last visit.

Shortly, I arrived at the cemetery. With the morning joggers and few people who came to visit too, there weren't too many people there. Aside from occasional laughters from the joggers, everything's really peaceful and quiet. The kind of peace that my wife would appreciate.

Upon reaching my wife's tomb, I placed the flowers down, lit the candles and just stood there... quietly. Wind blowing softly... it was so serene. As I stand there praying silently, while looking at my wife's tomb, I felt something inside me. I felt sadness... I felt pain... bitterness.

I never thought it still could hurt this much. More than the pain of losing the one I love, is the frustrations of not doing much for her in her last few days. I wish I could have done more for her... I wish I could have made her last hours happier.

And as I try to hold on the tears from falling as I walk home... I began to feel that I miss her more now... more than ever before.