Sounds like a mix of old songs that we used to play in our time using a disc. But it’s not a laser disc, rather it’s a vinyl disc and we played in on the turntable where a needle “reads” the music as the song is playing.
If you would describe that to today’s generation, they might give you a blank face because they won’t understand what you’re talking about; they might display an expression of a dropped-jaw of disbelief that there was such a device that existed; or they might show you a wide-eye face and see you as an untamed caveman from the stone age.
It was an evening that I felt so low… and all alone. The fever I had then was not helping. I was thinking of a quick way out. I was tired… sick and tired, literally. There was nothing going right, and there’s nothing left either.
Evening… dark… alone… sick… a perfect condition for demotivation.
Where were those friends who said “We’re always here for you!”
If only my wife was with me then, I knew she would make me feel better… without even saying a word. She would just hold my hand, embrace me… and smile. I knew everything will be fine.
Of course, she’s no longer here with me for she already went home four years ago and I have to continue the journey by myself. I can’t let three kids down… I can’t let my wife down.
But I really wished she’s still with me. I wish I could see her smile at me again.
Not minding the fever I had, I stood up to get the guitar. Playing some chords, I nonchalantly murmured “smile for me as you look down from heaven… help me feel better… help me feel strong… tell me I can still go on.”
Those words… a guitar on hand… and a melancholic ambiance… I was able to build a pattern which became the refrain and the bridge of the song.
I was not able to finish the song that night. I can’t. It took me more than a month but eventually I was able to find out the words that best expressed my sentiments and complete the song.
I uploaded the song on YouTube on November 29, her birthday, sent it to her through my ‘letters’ and hope that it could reach her… wishing that she would like it.
Here is the song I wrote for my wife for her birthday, it’s called Smile For Me.
Lord, I'm sorry. I thought I was strong in faith. I thought I can hold on... but I'm not. I'm failing, Lord. Honestly, I would like to hold on and that somehow like a silver lining on a dark and cloudy sky, You would shine at the precise to save me from this pit I am in.
I'm having doubts, My Lord. I am sorry. I've tried not to entertain this feeling but it seems the devil is getting the better of me and I'm losing this fight within me.
Please Lord, I need You now. Help me, My God... I'm drowning...
