So I am not allowed to celebrate

After a long delay, finally we can go out and celebrate Father's Day.

On the day of the occasion itself, my youngest and middle children were sick... fine, we can celebrate after a week...

Following weekend, my oldest son was sick... okay, fine there's always next week. Granted it was a rediscovery for both of us, he was still sick.

Finally yesterday, to celebrate the weekend that nobody was sick - the long delayed Father's Day celebration was finally pushed through... or so, I thought.

While we were at the movies, I received a text from my sister, my father was admitted to the hospital because of pneumonia.

Swell! Celebration cut short and we rushed to the hospital.

Now, I don't really claim to be so close to my father. The fact is, I was not... never have been. But being older now, and a father myself, I am slowly... albeit awkwardly, trying to build a relationship between us two.

He is my father after all.

And while we're in the hospital, I was thinking... "what kind of cosmic forces are plotting against me?! Now, that my kids are safe, and I didn't get sick, it has go outside, yet still within the family."

Coincidences?

I hope so.

The problem now, is while I would want to keep watch over my father, I can't. I have to attend to my kids who would be attending school... and I have to work, to keep sending them to school.

My father is already old... these past few days, my mother always tell me that he is already saying a lot of nonsense - a sign of senility, to say the least, and he is not really in the peak of health, and he moves slower now... much slower.

Now that he's in the hospital... I'm seeing flashes of images... nightmares... I hope the worst won't happen.

The gap hasn't been patched yet... the bridge is being built...

I hope he gets through it.... I hope he gets well...

He is still the same son after all

I was really depressed, frustrated and feeling low. What happened last year was repeated – three kids getting sick one after the other.

Angel and Edgar were already well and finally went to school.

Ralph’s fever just started last Friday.

Of my three kids, Ralph, who is the eldest, is the one that I don’t want to get sick, because he is the one who has the lowest threshold on pain.

True enough, he was always whining, almost crying at the slightest hint of pain in his body.

I don’t know if it has anything to do with being a firstborn child. We were always there for him, and wouldn’t let anything harm him.

Because he was the only one then, we can look after him better. That’s why he rarely gets sick when he was still young.

But he got sick… and was always crying. I couldn’t even leave him for a while – so I stopped writing, left the computer and just sat beside him on the bed.

To entertain him and let his mind off the pain (imagined or true), he is feeling, I talked to him. I asked if he still recall what we used to do when he was still small….

We used to walk around the neighborhood without any particular direction, he was barely four or five years old then.

Every afternoon, we would go out, walk around. Sometimes, we would fly kite in the vacant lot just a block away from our house…

We used to go swimming then too, all three of us – Ralph, my wife and me. We wouldn’t even wait for any occasion to go, anytime we decide, we pack and call on the tricycle at the corner to take us to the resort…

He was smiling… he remembered…

He remembered too, as he told me, the things he did when he was small – how he got burned by the flat iron because he touched it out of curiosity, the same curiosity that pushed him to touched those grills at the back of the refrigerator, and how I found him once stuck on the freezer because he tried to lick the ice at the sides.

We were laughing… it was a very rare chit-chat that has become a luxury for us two – Ralph and I.

Lately I have been trying to push him to grow up, making him responsible… because I need him to be. He is after all the eldest of the three.

He is not really the rebellious type, but in his own little ways he does… by going home late without even texting me… and teasing Angel even though he knows it irritates me no end.

Maybe those weren’t intentional, maybe it was just me…. whatever.

The closeness that we used to have when he was still small wasn’t there anymore… as if we were alienated from each other.

But because he was sick, I had to talk to him gently… lowered my voice, so as to calm him and his pain…

And because he was sick, he too had to stay put, listened to me, and at the same time talk in a gentler voice too.

Our conversation was nice… one that didn’t happen for a long time.

And I was surprised, because he put his head on my lap – imagine a 16 year old boy, sleeping with his head on his father’s lap… and he slept good… he was calm… and I realized, it was something that I miss…

I too was able to fall asleep while seated, because I can’t move lest I’ll be waking him up. So I just stayed there and savored the moment that my son and I were close to each other once more…

That was when I realized that, he is still the same son that I used to have more than 10 years ago.

Why?

This was supposed to be a post to say that my daughter and middle son are finally well and are already going to school... and how I was looking forward to a late Father's Day celebration this weekend.

I even thought it was perfect timing since Transformers 2 is showing.

but I have to pass one more test...

Last night, while I was drafting my original post, my eldest son came home from school. He said he wasn't feeling well, especially while he was still in school. He slept after having his dinner.

At around 1AM, I heard him calling. He asked for medicine because he has a headache, and he was feeling cold. I checked him, he has fever.

Now, he's in bed complaining of various pains in his body.

This isn't new to me. The exact thing happened last year - first it was Edgar, and then Angel, and finally Ralph.

Ralph's sickness came a little late this time, but it didn't fail.

Why?

Am I amiss in my fatherly duties? Don't I know how to take care of my kids?

Why?

You might say I'm making a big fuzz out of this. Maybe I do. But, shouldn't I? If you were in my place, wouldn't you?

I thought so. That's easy for you to say.

When you're on the outside looking in, wisdom is easy to deliver, but unless on your on someone else's shoes, and understand everything that's happening...