HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO PRAY?

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How do You want me to pray?
For You to listen and to care
How do You want me to pray?
To see me through in everyday

All my life I have always served You
I have sang and even danced for You
All my works was to give You glory
Yet now I feel You have forsaken me

As I remember footprints in the sand
I’d like to think You carried me in You hand
But somehow I cannot feel the mystery
And I feel I am alone in my misery

I have knelt while I am praying
I even prayed while I was walking
Almost all the time I tried to call You
And perhaps because of the unworthy me,
I couldn’t hear You

What should I do today?
What do I need to say?
How do You want me to pray?
For You to listen and to care

Answer me please… I pray


December 27, 2007
10:30 PM
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God-serving... yet God-forsaken

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i was always trying to hold on to faith... i was always trying to serve God. not because i want to receive some favors, but because it was my nature (damn nature!)... i was brought up that way (damn upbringing!)

as a child, i was an altar boy. i was even the knights commander (president) for more than a year. THAT'S HOW ACTIVE I WAS! and we were always at the church then, cleaning it before the mass - almost daily. then i learned to play the guitar, and i would always pitch in when the official church guitarist wasn't around.

as i grew older, i became a servant who helped in the distribution of holy communion in the mass (spem)... joining communities - actively! because i like doing it, i'm happy being around christian brothers.

and yet....

yes i know, God answers prayers in His own ways and in His own time... He won't give us crosses we won't be able to carry.... when He get you to it, He'll get you through it...blah, blah, blah... yadayada....

do you think i would have reached this far if i weren't holding on to those? am i complaining? YOU BET I AM! because it's not like i'm just sitting around waiting for miracles to happen in my life! i am doing something - IN FACT, I AM DOING EVERYTHING!

no! don't give me that hang-on-keep-the-faith-God-knows-what's-best and everything lecture. i know all of those!

AND THAT'S WHAT FRUSTRATES ME MOST! having too much faith so as to expect too much!

i had faith... i had hope... but i don't have time to wait anymore... patience was my virtue (damn virtue!) but i'm on the edge... how far on the edge am i? you can read 'eating shit!' in my other account  for you to have an idea of how far i am on the edge.

would i keep the faith?... i don't know

would i hold on to hope?... i don't know

DAMN!

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December 26, 2007
7:15 am
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