Her First Day Alone

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I am now at the office, as early as 6:30AM. What am I doing here early? Well, our work starts at 7:00AM, we have a compressed week schedule so we won’t have to work on Saturdays. But I really don’t have a problem with that, I have been going to work this early for about a month now, that’s not really my concern right now.

You see, today is the first day of school. My two sons and daughter will all go to school today. Do I have anxieties about their going to school? Of course I do! After all, my baby is just eight years old. But what really fills me with anxiety right now is the fact that my wife will be left all alone in our house.

Yes, I know. My wife, an adult, should be able to take care of herself. Of course she can, that is if she is perfectly healthy. Problem is, she is not. My wife has kidney problems and has been undergoing dialysis for almost two years now. If she could have her sessions regularly, there really won’t be any problem. My wife, strong-spirited as she is, would move and act as if she’s a healthy person.

As of late, her dialysis sessions were delayed due our very depleted financial situation. And because of that, she hasn’t taken her Recormon shot for more than a month! It’s a shot that she is required to take every week! This is so she can maintain her hemoglobin and help her move around without getting tired. Without these, and other medications, she is really as helpless as little child, not mentioning the pain that she has to endure. These, she all hide from us to save us the trouble of worrying.

Now that my kids would all go to school and I have to go work, she would be by her lonesome. When my kids are still at home, at least she could ask them to get her a glass of water, get this, or can you hand me that. And they used to cook their food for the day. Yes, as young as my children, they have adapted to our situation and have taken the toll of taking care of my wife when I have to go away.

Don’t try to ask me if I can’t get anybody to accompany her at home, especially her mother or relatives, because that would open old wounds. Not mine really, but hers. On my side, my parents are already pre-occupied taking care of their grandchildren.

Before I went to work today, I asked her one more time if she would be okay. She said “Yes, don’t worry about me”. While it was meant to assure me and erase all my apprehensions, I know better.

She is a fighter, she tolerates pain. But it doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel them.

Inevitable as it is, she has to be alone. And all I can do is pray.

June 5, 2006
7:06 AM
office