Because I am still human

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So there was I throwing encouragements and giving my two-cents of words of wisdom left and right... talking sense to FB friends who seem to have their back against the wall.

Then, it hit me. My son was hospitalized. It didn't take much for me rant, just another son getting sick while another is still in the hospital. So I rant, because I am still human after all.

I rant not because I did not trust. I rant because I expected too much. I rant because I believed, and that was why I was disappointed when my expectations wheren't met. And I believe I have the right to ask questions, because I believed.

To make things worse, the sickness has to come when I am flat broke! Because of that, I had to beg again! Yes, you read that right. Again!

It's something that isn't new to me, and it's something that I was not really proud of. I really wish I wouldn't be in that predicament again... I really wish.

Coming Of Age

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When he first came, I was unsure
“Am I ready?” I asked myself
And my first taste of fatherhood
He gave to me whether I’m ready or not

As the years unfolded, I learned a lot
Like seeing the world again through his eyes
Because he taught me what a father should do
Be tough, decisive, but mischievous at times too

Eighteen years passed and he’s teaching me some more
About humility, and why I can’t always be right
Listen to the young voice because they also make sense
Especially when that thought comes out unspoken

As he enters maturity, he already achieved quite a lot
A chess championship and being a literary staff
I guess I can be forgiven for saying it loud
Because there couldn’t be any prouder Dad!

That’s my boy!

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Roy
September 10, 2010
9:28 p.m.
Angeles City
Philippines


*Reply to “Challenge me to poetry” submission by Jan Geronimo – “That’s my boy!”

It all started with a single verse...

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 It all started with a single verse… no! Make that, a single line. When the very first entry was made back in 1986 – a union of the pen and paper with the soul.

It was not the first attempt to write poetry, but it was the first act of commitment to express in verses what I felt, and preserve them so I can always look back and recall what compelled me write those lines… I did not realize then that I was actually planting the seed within me.

Slowly, as verses grew in numbers, there was the longing to share them with others. I wanted others to read them too.

So what I did was to ALWAYS bring the notebook with me wherever I go, and show them to whoever I am with, who I thought would appreciate raw, unpolished poetry.

It wasn’t really encouraging I tell you, and I need not go about the details. But it was not very encouraging.

As time went on, I continued with what I was doing, expressing myself in verses, in the way I know how – I did not follow patterns, never considered measurement, nor would always use rhymes in my works. In fact, I was using ordinary, daily, conversational words… BUT I dared call them poems.

It was satisfying, to see them… read them from time to time.

Poems that spoke of love, hatred, angst, pains, insecurities, inspiration, joys and other imaginable and unimaginable emotions.

After almost three decades (not four as I posted in my FB profile), and four notebooks later, the seed that was planted is now yearning to grow… to go out.

Am I ready?

Yes, thanks to my friends who are all encouraging, I am having the resolve to go for it.

But, am I ready?

Outside the circle of supportive friends, there are other people, who will see, who will read, and who will speak, and who knows what they’re going to say.

Uncertainty is not an easy evil to overcome, but definitely not a reason to stop.

And while there are self-doubts and mounting hesitations within, little steps are taken… baby steps, that would make the dream, from the seed that was planted, become a reality.

From four notebooks, of almost three decades, more than 100 poems… all part of one dream… soon.

I hope.