She wants to be free

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Meek and frail she was, fragile as can be
Seeing her grow before my eyes… so fast
All the time I will be right beside her
A promise given, keeping it ‘til end
Forever my baby, she’ll always be

Yet one unsuspecting morning, she said
In tiny voice, yet seems thunder to me
A request to let go, from my baby
She seems to be so sure when she asked me
“Can I go to school alone? Please Daddy?”

Immeasurable anxiety felt
Has she grown faster than I thought she has?
My baby has become a young lady
She now wants out of my protective watch
Can I really let go of my baby?

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Jenanian verse
Roy
June 11, 2009
11:10 PM
Angeles City
Philippines

A father's dilemma

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This is just another one of those exaggerated anxieties.

This time, it was brought to me by my Angel... yes, my little darling caused me anxiety this morning.

No, she didn't do anything. She just asked a question... a simple, innocent question...

"Dad, when can I go to school by myself?"



I was surprised, caught off-guard so to speak. My baby wants to go to school alone. She asked this while we were on a public jeepney on the way to her school.

Everyday, I take her to school in morning and I come back in the afternoon to pick her up. This is our daily routine. I am self-employed (read: jobless), so I have all the time in the world. Quite frankly, I am enjoying it.

I thought my baby was enjoying it too.

She said she just want to experience being solo (is this her way of telling me to move back?), she asked me to allow her even for a day, just for the experience (I know how freedom feels, I know she'll want more of it).

Reminds me of the anxiety I felt when my son was going on his first field trip... unimaginable!

Now, it's Angel's turn to seek her independence.

But she's only 11 years old! So young... so small... so fragile...

Unfortunately (for me), her request was not without basis.

One - her best friend lives near our house, and they can go home together, so she won't be necessarily travelling alone.

Two - with the installation of traffic lights near her school makes crossing the street not as dangerous as it was before.

Three - on her way home, she won't even have to cross the street!

I now imagined myself going out of the house, looking at the street waiting for her to appear within my view every 4:30 in the afternoon... and not until I get a glimpse of her will I be able to feel relax.

I promised my wife I will take care of our baby. That's why I see myself looking after her as long as I can, even watching her in school 'til she reached high school (maybe even college)... she's my only baby.

Now, this early, she is telling me to "back off" in the most subtle way... is she ready to be independent?

Am I ready to let her be independent?

I know, I'm over-reacting.

Writer's block

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I thought I was good, I thought I was an average, if not a good writer. But I've been going to and fro in all my blogs this morning and I can't seem to find anything to write.

What gives?

I have to write.... at least for me to survive.

Another day will soon pass and I haven't submitted anything yet to my employer.

It seems that I have exhausted myself last month, that I can't put anything out now.

Is that even possible? Or is writer's block just a lame excuse for a writer's laziness.

How can I even consider myself as an influential blogger when I can't even push myself now to write anything. Why do these times come? I hate it when it does.

What now?