damned! you think you know me too well to accuse me of such! damned you! you dare talk to me like that when you don't even know me! fuck! even if i write all the unprintables here and throw them all to you, it won't ease the hurt that you caused me.
you think that i like the predicament that i am in?! you really think that i am taking this opportunities that are before me, just because i am in such a state of life? you really believe that i am capitalizing on this?! damned you! you have no idea what pain you have caused.
just when i have thought that i can take it all... just when i thought that i was strong enough to face anything... just when i believe that i can fight it all...
damned you! you've cause me much pain, more than all the pain that i have felt in my entire life. i wish i could write all here... the anguish, the torment, the sufferings that i'm feeling now...
damned you! i just hope you won't have to go through the things that i did... i just hope....
i wish i could say it all here.
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nov 24, 2006
11:31PM
Friday, November 24, 2006
i wish i could write it all here
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Sunday, October 15, 2006
Jobless... Again!
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Jobless… again! Yes I am, and I’m not so proud about it. Aside from the fact that I will once again join the rank of the unemployed, is the realization that I am actually SOOOO dispensable! How humbling! And here I am thinking all the while that I am actually an asset to any company that I would be working for. Reason for the dismissal I was told, was downsizing – but my memo reads otherwise. Well, downsizing or not it still bruises the ego.
To be honest, I was actually contemplating of leaving my job. I would be starting my business and I was seriously considering of attending to it full time. But letting go of the regular pay would bring a big dent to our finances, especially in our present predicament. Besides, the business wouldn’t really guarantee to bring in the lost regular income – especially during start-ups. Also, I was hesitant to ask other people or hire help to help me run my business without quitting my job, I knew to needed to be on it 24/7 if I really wanted it to fly. I was actually having a hard time deciding whether to quit my job or not. And then, they made it easy for me decide – too easy actually.
Divine intervention? I don’t know, I knew I was praying for guidance, but I didn’t expect the answer to come to me this way. I was actually earmarking my supposed to be Christmas bonus next month, and then this happened. I am not really prepared for this, not this way. Reminds me a famous cliché that I’ve been hearing – “Be careful what you ask for, you might get it.” Hahaha human nature I guess, you ask for something, and when you don’t like the response – YOU COMPLAIN!
Then, there’s another cliché – “There’s no use crying over spilled milk.” And if I may add my own line to it “Clean up the mess!” I knew I had my ego bruised, but bruises get healed. I guess it’s time for me to pick up the pieces. Being down doesn’t mean you need to stay down. One good thing about being down though is that THERE’S NO WAY TO GO BUT UP. This may really be the answer to my prayer, I may not like it, but it doesn’t mean I can’t make something out of it. As the quotation in my mug reads – “A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.”
I may be jobless, but I am not without HOPE!
Roy
October 16, 2006
9:08 AM
Clark
To be honest, I was actually contemplating of leaving my job. I would be starting my business and I was seriously considering of attending to it full time. But letting go of the regular pay would bring a big dent to our finances, especially in our present predicament. Besides, the business wouldn’t really guarantee to bring in the lost regular income – especially during start-ups. Also, I was hesitant to ask other people or hire help to help me run my business without quitting my job, I knew to needed to be on it 24/7 if I really wanted it to fly. I was actually having a hard time deciding whether to quit my job or not. And then, they made it easy for me decide – too easy actually.
Divine intervention? I don’t know, I knew I was praying for guidance, but I didn’t expect the answer to come to me this way. I was actually earmarking my supposed to be Christmas bonus next month, and then this happened. I am not really prepared for this, not this way. Reminds me a famous cliché that I’ve been hearing – “Be careful what you ask for, you might get it.” Hahaha human nature I guess, you ask for something, and when you don’t like the response – YOU COMPLAIN!
Then, there’s another cliché – “There’s no use crying over spilled milk.” And if I may add my own line to it “Clean up the mess!” I knew I had my ego bruised, but bruises get healed. I guess it’s time for me to pick up the pieces. Being down doesn’t mean you need to stay down. One good thing about being down though is that THERE’S NO WAY TO GO BUT UP. This may really be the answer to my prayer, I may not like it, but it doesn’t mean I can’t make something out of it. As the quotation in my mug reads – “A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.”
I may be jobless, but I am not without HOPE!
Roy
October 16, 2006
9:08 AM
Clark
Friday, August 18, 2006
Lord, Grant Me A Listener
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Of love and of life
Of joys and of sorrows,
Trapped inside a chamber
A pumping cell within my vessel
Of fears and of anxiety
Of pressures and of pains
It rotates from mind to heart
But never really find its way out
Empty space and only me
Reaching out, but none to touch
Views withheld, feelings kept
And accumulate like a file of trash
To express and to share
Yet, not a single ear bother
In a blank wall, facing
Mumbling, to soothe my feeling
Of truth or of fiction
Of myths or of facts
Ideas… feelings… all hidden
‘Cause no one really care to share
Lord, grant me a listener
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