Friday, June 20, 2008

I never thought it still could hurt...

After taking my daughter Angel to school this morning, I went to my wife's tomb in the cemetery. I try visit her as often as I can, and since all the kids are in school, it's the best time to visit her again. After all, it was almost a week since my last visit.

Shortly, I arrived at the cemetery. With the morning joggers and few people who came to visit too, there weren't too many people there. Aside from occasional laughters from the joggers, everything's really peaceful and quiet. The kind of peace that my wife would appreciate.

Upon reaching my wife's tomb, I placed the flowers down, lit the candles and just stood there... quietly. Wind blowing softly... it was so serene. As I stand there praying silently, while looking at my wife's tomb, I felt something inside me. I felt sadness... I felt pain... bitterness.

I never thought it still could hurt this much. More than the pain of losing the one I love, is the frustrations of not doing much for her in her last few days. I wish I could have done more for her... I wish I could have made her last hours happier.

And as I try to hold on the tears from falling as I walk home... I began to feel that I miss her more now... more than ever before.

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